Okay so i think i’ve finally lost my mind maybe i smoked too much pot last night. but in my suggested friends thing on facebook, it suggested this girl with a name close to my sister’s name. Hers is Julia Goldsbary (well, Olate now, but it was Goldsbary), and this thing in the suggested friends is Jula Goldberry. I clicked on it to see what it was all about and it has her birthday, and both my sister and her husband are friends with it. What THE FUCK.
Jula Goldberry? It sounds like that creepy ass Dolan comic is saying my sister’s name. Jula pls. Ugh. I think I’m still high or something cause this is not normal.
today was so pointless school-wise
i went to my first class forgetting that it was cancelled and my next class wasn’t for another 3 hours. luckily i ran into savi and i went with her back to her dorm room to nap and eat lunch. then i didn’t even go to my 2 O’clock class because it was going to be a pointless day in that class. i then went with savi and kaela to the health center cause kaela was experiencing some heart attack realness, so i was like 15 minutes to my 3:30 class but that didn’t matter because all we did was work on stuff i had basically finished last week and then we got to leave early. so now i’m home and watching angry beavers and hoping some random person that follows me actually messages me or something so i’m not bored out of my mind even though i should be doing work.
so in my journalism class one of my classmates was interviewed by my professor and he recounted his time in prison for driving while on meth and crashing, killing his passenger and the two people in the other car. apparently my professor had asked him to do this for other classes in previous years. he was released on parole after 5 years in prison in 2008.
but the weirdest fucking shit was when he was talking about prison he said parts of it were cool and he actually laughed during some parts. which i mean i guess could be because he was nervous as fuck telling this story so he reacted weirdly? but still oh my god.
So to begin I’ll tell you about the flowers. My roommate got flowers from someone for some reason I don’t remember so we had them on the table. Eventually, my allergies started acting up because of them so we decided to get rid of them. Well later that evening we had a party (the one where I ended up vomiting in my bathroom). When I was just drunk enough to have the balls to do it, my roommate another friend and I decided what to do with them. There’s this elderly woman that lives on the floor above us, she’s a nice woman but really talkative and kindof nosey/annoying. We decided to give them to her. So there we were silently making our way up to her floor, my roommate humming the Mission Impossible theme song while I tried not to laugh. I warily approached her door, hoping to god she wasn’t awake at that hour, placed the flowers on her door mat and bolted back down the hall and stairs as though I had committed a crime. We made it back inside safely and couldn’t stop laughing about how stupid we were but we were proud of ourselves cause we were drunk.
And now, upon my return home my roommate has showed me this, tacked up on the bulletin board above the condo mailboxes.
I don’t know how to feel.
All I could focus on for the last 3 hours or so was my project, and I’m done with everything I can do here at home. Tomorrow morning I’ll wake up really early, get to campus and print the pictures and then glue everything down on the board.
I’ve got to admit though, this project was pretty fun since I got to imagine what a children’s clothing line for Mugler would look like.
While listening to Girl Gone Wild I realized that I’m going to be seeing and hearing this shit live and I am so fucking excited. When my mom came down on saturday to visit and help with my car she was really excited for when the tickets go on sale.
And seeing as this will probably be Madonna’s last tour before she’s restricted to a wheelchair, I cannot control how I feel.
Like, just imagining how it’s going to feel to be in the crowd while she sings and dances to this makes me really excited. Add to that I’m going with my mom makes it actually special.
No but okay I went to the club last night and it was amazing.
We got there a little late and parking was a bitch to find but get this we got free parking on a saturday night in west hollywood. That’s motherfucking right. And all but like one or two songs they played were A+. They even played Judas, Marry The Night, She’s Not Me, The Motto, and Baby Got Back.
And aside from the grotesque scene of old old man and partially naked tranvestite getting it on at the bar, it was a wonderful night and I am so glad it happened.
I haven’t been posting anything recently. My laptop charger broke, so I just looked through Tumblr on my phone and didn’t bother to post anything. But my step dad just repaired it today temporarily while we wait for another one to get here.
Not much to update on. I’m excited beyond belief to get back to school and get distracted again. I can’t wait to see my friends again. Oh, and Grey’s Anatomy has officially taken over my life. I have almost finished the 6th season, and I have cried so many fucking times. Like actual ugly sobbing with tears streaming down my face. I’m way too emotionally invested and I need someone to freak out about it with.
Things I’m looking forward to:
- Friends in Long Beach
- New Madonna material
- Friends in Long Beach
You know, there are some times when I can put aside my irrational hatred for myself and actually entertain the yearning for a man. It’s funny because it seems like every guy I end up liking likes me back at one point, but they almost never seem to be the right guy. So maybe the right guy will be one I don’t want, or one I want that doesn’t want me. Things shouldn’t be easy, things should be fun and messy and dangerous and irresponsible. I don’t want to be as boring as I am.
I’m at a dangerous point in life right now, it is way to easy to give up or fail and end up stuck in this town still. And I am not going to find a man here. Fuck that.
Who, when, where. Those are three things that I don’t know. But the one thing I do know is that I think I’m finally going to open myself up to the possibility of it all. No more meaningless fucks that only serve to satisfy the urge for release. I want something that means something and makes me feel good about myself for a change. I think I’d like that a lot more.
There are some changes that I’m going to start making and I think once things are in order and on the right track, I’m going to be on my way to being happier.
my first time really drinking was with Cassondra in her backyard. I snuck some Southern Comfort over and I think we ditched classes that day. Or there wasn’t school that day, I don’t remember. It was near the end of senior year and we didn’t care anymore. We drank it with some rockstar in her backyard while her grandmother, blithely unaware, wandered about in the house. I didn’t get as buzzed as she did, she had some tequila as well, so i thought it was hilarious when the gum she was chewing fell out of her mouth. this was so dumb of us, and looking back on it we were stupid for doing it. but it’s still a good memory from this shit hole of a town.
Cassondra, if you’re reading this, I love you.
I had a dream last night that I killed my dad. I forgot why I did it, but for some reason I was angry with him and he was after me. I had an accomplice but I don’t remember who that was. Anyway, I blew him up and ran away from the scene of the crime.
I went home to my step mom and she didn’t even know he was dead or missing yet, so I just hung out with her like nothing was wrong. For some reason I thought for a while that I would get away with it. But the more I sat there and talked to her the more I thought about how devastated she was going to be when she found out he was dead. And then I started to think about having to keep this secret with me my entire life. I wouldn’t be able to get close to anyone without having that secret waiting to get out at any time, and who in the world would want to be around someone that killed their own dad? I don’t know if I felt any remorse for actually killing my dad in the dream, but I felt bad about how my future was going to pan out because of it.
I’m questioning my conscience.